We Are Defineable

Laziness is the lack of desire to perform work or expend effort. What behavior is considered laziness varies according to personal and societal standards.

"Genius" Procrastination

"Genius procrastinator" is a type of "relaxed" procrastinator. Unlike the typical "relaxed type" procrastinator, who usually does not care about the task they are delaying, geniuses do care but do not need to put a great deal of effort into that task to do well, and therefore can wait until the last minute, put in minimal effort, and still produce a good result. "Genius" procrastinators often work well under pressure; often when they do not have a set deadline for a project, their work lags. Other "genius" procrastinators are just lazy with their time in general, and when they're procrastinating in a subject that they are not as skilled at, they usually fall under the "tense-afraid" type.

A common example of the "genius" procrastinator is the precocious student who is working in a class where the expectations are set far below their ability level in that subject. For example, a gifted writer in a standard-level English class often waits until the last minute to write their papers because they know that they will get an A even by putting in the lowest amount of effort possible, and that to expend any more effort than that on such an assignment would be wasteful.

-Wikipedia

And they call this a problem?

We adhere to one philosophy in life. The more YOU do, the less WE have to do. We may put in the effort required to be respectable human beings, but at most times, we are simply searching for ways to do less than every one else. After all, why run the race when you can just be carried to the finish line?

Inconcievable Benefits

Today, I left work early. Today I left work very early. Today I left work very early and went to a music shop. Today I left work very early and went to a music shop and lunch. Today I left work very early and went to a music shop and lunch and took a nap. Today I left work very early and went to a music shop and lunch and took a nap and went home. Today I left work very early and went to a music shop and lunch and took a nap and went home and watched porn. All before I was even supposed to be off of work. Thank you for your applause.

Lack of Initiative Spawning Creation

It is no longer "just sleep" once you hit 4:00 pm on a Tuesday, and you are just now getting morning wood.




Most of the free world as you view it today has a few truths that they(falsely) hold self-evident as far as the lazy(we prefer anti-effort) are concerned. Several of these problems are as follows:

• The lazy slack-offs out there are a burden to workloads and payrolls of companies everywhere.
• Laziness holds back progress, keeping mankind from reaching its full potential as soon as possible.
• Laziness is prevalent in some cultures more than others.
  
• Lack of completed work translates to a lack of effort.

All of these statements are inherently wrong. The first and second kind of go hand in hand with each other. While me not getting my work done on time can be seen as a company uselessly paying me for work I did not do, at the same time, it means that there is extra work to be done by those who are silly enough to choose to do it. A percentage of those people go on to learn something they would not have otherwise learned from "my" work, and a percentage of those make brilliant discoveries that they may never have conceived if not for my noble lack of accomplishing a task. It goes on and on until you realize that, in effect, I eventually cure cancer. You see, the lazy are like catalysts for the brilliant, without our undone work to feed them in their bursts of manic calculations, they would simply fizzle out with nothing left to do!

The third point has very much to do with stereotypes. Everyone has heard of the sleepy, lazy Mexican janitor, and many times, they do exist, exactly as the stereotype portrays them. Unfortunately this profiling is flawed. Just as many, no, MORE white-collar workers put just as little effort into the actual workload they are assigned on any given day, and make grossly larger sums of money to do so. Unfortunately, because of the difference in pay, all these workers are often made to account for their time spent during an eight(I make 'em six) hour work day. So we expend effort in order to keep up the appearance of being hard at work, as opposed to ANY janitor, who simply passes out in front of the cafeteria/in a ventilation duct/on top of frightened children. EVERY culture around the world is full of crafty types(like myself) who, much like Tom Sawyer, can make you do the lion's share of a job, and make you feel bad for doing it.

The other, and possibly most important thing that the average citizen does not bother to admit or realize is that what we do all day is HARD! Timing naps to keep up appearances, or rigging crafty devices to trick our surrounding fellows, takes skill, practice, and dedication. All we, the lazy people of the world want is to be recognized as a whole for what we bring to the table. By slamming on the brakes at every available turn, we are the driving force of the world!

Legends of Slack

We here at laydownthe|SLACK| have, honest to *whomever you pray to*, managed to go to work late, procrastinate until noon, take more than a 3.5 hour lunch, say hi to the boss whilst running in acting busy on the laptop, and leave early all in one day, for many, many days.

Now, sometimes, this is not possible. Sometimes work must be done. We hate those times, but in the interest of keeping our jobs in order to continue getting paid for nothing, we will put forth the effort and throw down.

BUT, we know that everyone here has plenty of experience DOING work, so we want to remain focused on ways with which to avoid these tasks. And we promise to always specialize in ways to entertain, distract, or teach you to detract from your work environment.

And yes, the only reason I am writing this is that my boss is here and truly believes that this is his report that he needs in an hour. I simply asked a co-worker to proofread my horrible(fake) report, and in utter terror at our boss reading this, he is conveniently re-writing the entire report as we speak.

This seems like it may have a downfall, by highlighting what appears to be a flaw in my abilities,(it is not, I can easily write reports) my coworker now has ammo against me, negating one of the key flaws in slacker lifestyle.

But I set him up with his girlfriend.

She OWNS him.

So I am safe.

Get The Red Out

This guy would be gopher for the boss in no-time with a flayboyant colored outfit and those "stylish" sunglasses, no?




Here is a quick gander at what not to do if you want to remain
unmolested at work/home/anywhere you go.

• While that bright pink tie may "look great" according to your mother, we definitely do NOT recommend wearing bright colors at work. Think of nature and how many creatures remain uneaten because they are camouflaged and blend in to anonymity. Never, on the flip side, actually wear camo to work.(big no)
  
• At work, to blend in, ALWAYS be in motion at your desk WHEN you hear footfalls coming your way. If you look like you are the middle of something important, you certainly cannot be bothered with whatever mundane task someone may be coming to drop off for you.
• Around the house, to blend in, NEVER be in motion if you hear mom/the girlfriend/boyfriend/dog coming your way. Family members are like birds, they do not detect your presence nearly as much unless movement is present.
  
• If you detect someone you absolutely cannot stand heading your way, make sure you can train your arm to have your cellphone out of your pocket and to your head in milli - no, micro - yes, microseconds. Make sure to rehearse a very compelling and loud businesslike conversation to the point that everyone thinks you are the toughest analyst in the world. And, if said person/persons are not your coworkers, always pretend to be someone much more important than you are. We are quite often the "CEO of Intechdesign, inc."(multimillionaires extraordinaire)

Whatever you do, never accidentally piss off THAT GUY. He is the one guy who, once you are on his bad side, will always, always make sure you are working. This is the person you want to be best friends with, the office asshole. If you can appease him with a bad joke at the water cooler once a day, it is supremely worth looking up a few pathetic one-liners to have on hand to do so.

Lewd Awakening

Here at laydowntheSLACK, we LOVE sleep. But why constrain something we all love so much purely to the dark night-time hours? We strongly recommend staying up all night on YOUR time, and make mad cash whilst you nap at the office/outside the office/in a gutter.

Feel free to find all the glorious ways to abscond from actual waking work by any means necessary. If this means that your particular naps must be had in the walk in freezer at work, hidden behind crates of meat and milk cartons, then make sure to buy a good coat.

Here are some tips and scenarios that we recommend:

• Avoid the many hour power-nap, nap for most of the day, by all means, but break it into segments. If your co-workers see you about once an hour with a cup of (stale, fake) coffee, then you can bet they'll assume the stains on your keyboard are from finger-mashing, honest (despicable) real, hard work, and not from the drooling that we all know you do. This brings us to our next point:
  
• Coffee. Always, always have a 1/2 full coffee mug around. And not one of those disposable cups from the break room either, but the most ostentatious mug or thermos you can find. This makes you look like a seasoned veteran of the caffeine world, giving off that "I am always awake, and no, these jitters are not from Parkinson's" vibe that you want to deflect any unnecessary attention.
  
• If you ever find yourself in a situation without your trusty mug/thermos, make sure to have a backup - legal pads and an array of pens. If you stroll by your boss on accident at the office and he sees you wandering aimlessly, well, you are beyond reproach at that point. Worry not friend, for simply wander lackadaisically with a legal pad and a pen, and suddenly you are the hard worker on an errand. Do not forget to scribble (as messily as possible) some bogus notes on a pad beforehand, you can keep it for many, many uses if the notes are vague enough.

These are a few introductory tips to avoiding attention on your way to your favorite spot of tranquility to catch a few winks. I prefer my car myself, but please, always remember to move it one parking lot over to avoid the boss catching you in it on his way back from lunch.

History

Once, long ago, man had to toil under the sun and moon for most of his time on this planet. Soon after he was forced to spend what little spare time he had attending to the needs of whoever he had KO'ed with a club outside the cave and brought inside to remind him to take out the trash. Soon after he was coerced into various dark, bland prisons in order to stare at a laptop and increase overhead. Then came the revolution: Slacking. Suddenly, the simple task of going to work seemed far from depressing, why, some jobs even became fun!


This glorious site you now have before you was started in 2002. It, however, did not make it to the internet until November of 2007 due to some ongoing research into the field of slacking. Alright, honestly, lethargy is our backbone and procrastination our religion, what did you expect?