Lack of Initiative Spawning Creation

It is no longer "just sleep" once you hit 4:00 pm on a Tuesday, and you are just now getting morning wood.




Most of the free world as you view it today has a few truths that they(falsely) hold self-evident as far as the lazy(we prefer anti-effort) are concerned. Several of these problems are as follows:

• The lazy slack-offs out there are a burden to workloads and payrolls of companies everywhere.
• Laziness holds back progress, keeping mankind from reaching its full potential as soon as possible.
• Laziness is prevalent in some cultures more than others.
  
• Lack of completed work translates to a lack of effort.

All of these statements are inherently wrong. The first and second kind of go hand in hand with each other. While me not getting my work done on time can be seen as a company uselessly paying me for work I did not do, at the same time, it means that there is extra work to be done by those who are silly enough to choose to do it. A percentage of those people go on to learn something they would not have otherwise learned from "my" work, and a percentage of those make brilliant discoveries that they may never have conceived if not for my noble lack of accomplishing a task. It goes on and on until you realize that, in effect, I eventually cure cancer. You see, the lazy are like catalysts for the brilliant, without our undone work to feed them in their bursts of manic calculations, they would simply fizzle out with nothing left to do!

The third point has very much to do with stereotypes. Everyone has heard of the sleepy, lazy Mexican janitor, and many times, they do exist, exactly as the stereotype portrays them. Unfortunately this profiling is flawed. Just as many, no, MORE white-collar workers put just as little effort into the actual workload they are assigned on any given day, and make grossly larger sums of money to do so. Unfortunately, because of the difference in pay, all these workers are often made to account for their time spent during an eight(I make 'em six) hour work day. So we expend effort in order to keep up the appearance of being hard at work, as opposed to ANY janitor, who simply passes out in front of the cafeteria/in a ventilation duct/on top of frightened children. EVERY culture around the world is full of crafty types(like myself) who, much like Tom Sawyer, can make you do the lion's share of a job, and make you feel bad for doing it.

The other, and possibly most important thing that the average citizen does not bother to admit or realize is that what we do all day is HARD! Timing naps to keep up appearances, or rigging crafty devices to trick our surrounding fellows, takes skill, practice, and dedication. All we, the lazy people of the world want is to be recognized as a whole for what we bring to the table. By slamming on the brakes at every available turn, we are the driving force of the world!

Lewd Awakening

Here at laydowntheSLACK, we LOVE sleep. But why constrain something we all love so much purely to the dark night-time hours? We strongly recommend staying up all night on YOUR time, and make mad cash whilst you nap at the office/outside the office/in a gutter.

Feel free to find all the glorious ways to abscond from actual waking work by any means necessary. If this means that your particular naps must be had in the walk in freezer at work, hidden behind crates of meat and milk cartons, then make sure to buy a good coat.

Here are some tips and scenarios that we recommend:

• Avoid the many hour power-nap, nap for most of the day, by all means, but break it into segments. If your co-workers see you about once an hour with a cup of (stale, fake) coffee, then you can bet they'll assume the stains on your keyboard are from finger-mashing, honest (despicable) real, hard work, and not from the drooling that we all know you do. This brings us to our next point:
  
• Coffee. Always, always have a 1/2 full coffee mug around. And not one of those disposable cups from the break room either, but the most ostentatious mug or thermos you can find. This makes you look like a seasoned veteran of the caffeine world, giving off that "I am always awake, and no, these jitters are not from Parkinson's" vibe that you want to deflect any unnecessary attention.
  
• If you ever find yourself in a situation without your trusty mug/thermos, make sure to have a backup - legal pads and an array of pens. If you stroll by your boss on accident at the office and he sees you wandering aimlessly, well, you are beyond reproach at that point. Worry not friend, for simply wander lackadaisically with a legal pad and a pen, and suddenly you are the hard worker on an errand. Do not forget to scribble (as messily as possible) some bogus notes on a pad beforehand, you can keep it for many, many uses if the notes are vague enough.

These are a few introductory tips to avoiding attention on your way to your favorite spot of tranquility to catch a few winks. I prefer my car myself, but please, always remember to move it one parking lot over to avoid the boss catching you in it on his way back from lunch.